A good distraction

November 16, 2007

Focusing on eating healthy and getting a small amount of exercise has been a good distraction from a really awful period in my life. I’m still going through a miscarriage, and now am bleeding way too much and the doctor just gave me new drugs which are supposed to stop the bleeding. I thank those of you who’ve left comments on the miscarriage – it’s really an awful experience to go through, both emotionally and physically. I wish my body was having an easier time dealing with it – this week has been really tough.

I am really feeling very optimistic though about moving into a new way to manage my weight.

During the weeks I was pregnant I was being very careful about nutrition and I found it very peaceful and centered to think about how much vitamin C, iron, calcium, etc I was getting instead of calories and fat or carb grams. That focus on nutrition has been something I’m trying to keep in the forefront of my mind now, because it was easy and not very stressful – and leads automatically to good choices. Feeling hungry, need a snack? Hmmm calcium is low, maybe I should have a yogurt. For dessert? I haven’t had much vit C, so maybe some kiwi or pineapple.

I’m aware that I’m psychologically fragile right now – that I could drop this at any time, or turn to it as a crutch. But the truth is I’ve been managing my weight actively for over 5 years now (and overweight & guilty about it for much , much longer). The resolve to find a way to do this weight-management thing without stress has been something I’ve been committed to for a while — well before my miscarriage, and clearly expressed since my back problems earlier this year.

I’ve always lost weight in the past by being a maniac about it. Now that I’m in a great relationship, sane job, and have plenty of outside interests I am just not willing to make my life about my weight. I lived for a long time ignoring my weight (which is how I got so big). Then I lived quite a while doing nothing but my weight and my job (gym before work, after work, spreadsheets of inches lost, nutrition databases, etc etc). Now I need to find the balance — less obsession, less struggle, and eventually, less weight.

Well, it’s the same thinking as on other posts here, but I wanted to express my gratitude for having this place to turn to for feeling positive about the future.

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