Accepting Where You Are, Even if it’s “Unacceptable”

February 9, 2011

Nothing has been going right
Creative Commons License photo credit: RedEyedRex

It really sucks when your weight has gotten above your “acceptable” upper limit again.  I’m not crazy enough to expect to LOSE weight over the holidays, nor was I pushing on the weight loss front when it took all of my mental capacities to get through the day when I had other stresses in my life.

For the most part, I help my weight fairly steady during that time.  But “fairly” steady and “dead steady” are not the same, and the truth is my weight was creeping up to the top of the “acceptable” range before the holidays even came, and while I didn’t have a huge gain over the holidays, I did have a gain (and then struggled for several weeks).  In all, my weight maxed at 198 although 196 is the number I saw the most. And it’s been a long 6 weeks of 2011 because my weight has pretty much stayed there.  Not in my “mental zone” of being out of the 190s for good and forever.

I’ve been back in the game seriously for the past few weeks and the signs of progress are returning – rings that are spinning on my fingers as I type, scale steadily inching lower, that pair of pants that gets baggy in the thighs once I near 190…

In my mind that “Unacceptable” weight was anything 190 or above, but I realize that I wasted weeks or even months by my thinking “just a week of hard-core dieting & I’ll slip back under to the 180s then I can start again”.  So dumb.  So much delay.  So it’s official, my upteenth do-over starting weight will go down as 198.  And today the scale said 191.6.  And someday in the future I’ll be back in that weight range that was my previous “acceptable” level – and then that too will become “unacceptable” as I move further down.  But I’ll try to remember to accept the actual truth as the real deal, because lying to myself? That’s what’s really “unacceptable”….

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