Time Marches On
For me, one thing I’ve learned in life is that Time Marches On. Sh*t Happens. Life continues. Good stuff happens. Life continues.
It’s not much different for weight. You lose some. You stabilize. You gain a bit. You lose a bit. You gain a lot. You lose some again. Time passes.
A few weeks ago I went back over my weight history again. The overarching pattern of actively thinking about my weight for most of my adult life is what jumped out at me – the graph was not so dramatic, despite a 60 pound loss and despite major periods of feeling like I was at war with my body. I realized, yet again, that the time will pass regardless, and if I take my past history as any indication, I will likely be involved in managing my weight in the future.
photo credit: fnf_crilix
What I now know, is that this is a never-ending road. One of many in life, in fact, but one that can be navigated sanely, calmly, steadily. Like the image above, there will be hills and valleys but the main point is that it goes on, extending out into the future. But it’s not an unknown route, nor a particularly dangerous one. I don’t need excitement in this area of my life – a long steady vista of gently rolling hills is just fine for me.
The Journey IS the Destination
One of the things that’s lead me to this quest for “low stress” weight loss is the realization that the time will pass regardless of what I do about my weight. And that it really makes no difference at all what precise number is on the scale. If I reach a certain mile marker today or next month, or even later than that it doesn’t really matter.
Fundamentally, it’s the mindset that “The Journey IS the Destination” that I’ve come to accept. I might be at a goal weight or size, but I’ll still need to actively manage my weight.
What matters is staying on the road
What does matter is staying on the road, and in the drivers seat. For the Long Term. I don’t use the word “Forever” because it’s big and nebulous and abstract and scary. If there is one thing that a brush with cancer will teach you it’s to take things one day at a time and not worry too much about the distant future, because you can’t control it. I can focus on today, I can think about tomorrow, next week, next month, next year even.
I don’t know what I’ll be facing on Thursday, September 27, 2046. I do know that on September 27, 2010 I will still be actively managing my weight. I can reasonably assume the same to be true in September 2011, although hopefully that weight number will be lower than today.
Letting go of a timeline can lead to more success and less stress
By letting go of any timeline for losing weight, and just committing to being engaged in managing my weight for a long period of time, I believe I’ll be more successful. And much less stressed. Suddenly my chances of being in the minority who succeed at long-term weight loss shoot way up. If I know I’m managing this long-term, I don’t have to worry about “falling behind” because the process is the point. My weight on a given day, or year, doesn’t particularly matter as long as it’s actively being managed. Fast weight loss, or slow weight loss, if “the journey IS the destination” is true, it doesn’t much matter.
I don’t buy the statistic that 95% of dieters fail, but I suspect the strong majority of people do, and I accept the point that most of us won’t maintain at the weight we aspire to. We spend a lot of mental energy on the “losing” phase, but do we plan for after?
There is this weird mystical world in weight loss, called “maintenance”. You know, it’s covered in the last chapter of every diet book, that marvelous land where the rules are looser and the foods on “list 3″ are now open to you. In Weight Watchers they get meetings and weigh-ins free. It’s always been as obscure a thought to me as Atlantis, however, and I never paid much attention to “maintenance” because it was always so far off, what business did I have with it?
But what successful maintenance always entails is a process of checking in with yourself regularly. Keeping eating in check, keeping exercise in the routine, keeping an eye (or at least half an eye) on the scale. Making small corrections as needed, to keep everything on track.
And those are things I’m doing NOW, things I’ve been doing for a long time, things I’m quite willing to commit to doing in the future.
That means I’m in the driver’s seat, and already on that road.
photo credit: fnf_crilix
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
You know that I am right there with you in the battle to break the lose-regain cycle.
“If you have the same problem for a long time, maybe it’s not a problem. Maybe it’s a fact.” -Itzhak Rabin
Love that quote and plan on stealing it from your blog, just so you know.
What a great post!
And your attitude is amazing:) As I yo-yo dieter, I can tell you that only in the past year sometime did I really wake up to the long-term nature of this thing. Crazy as that seems. I am not usually daunted by the notion that it is “forever,” but I also don’t worry or think about where I will be years down the road. I am still too caught up in getting through today and this week and this month and the summer. Not sure if that is a good thing or not.
Hi Sarah. Congrats on being in the driver’s seat – I wish you a journey of gently rolling hills as you mention above. I’ve been in weight loss maintenance for nearly 17 years now, and the one thing that has always made a difference is paying attention to what I eat, and how I feel when I’m doing so. Sometimes it all just flows well and other times, during spikes of stress, I’ve got to make sure I’m turning to my journal or a hot bath instead of something chocolate to make me feel better. Also, I just started following you a month or so ago and I would like to know what’s happening on September 27. Didn’t see anything in your About tab above…but with the mention of cancer I’m concerned and want to send you supportive energy. Be well!
No worries! Sept 27th was just a random date in the not-too-distant future, no significance at all.
Cancer was last years preoccupation, hopefully never to return again. I have regular follow ups but don’t blog much about them – all is a-ok!
Good post!
I share your philosophy. This is for all time and sometimes that thought makes me sad. I would like days to pass without having to be conscious of every morsel I eat and drink, but sadly, if I do stop thinking about what I am putting in my mouth my weight will increase steadily. I am still overweight and my body seems to want to ‘maintain’ my weight so a big effort is needed from me in order to shift the blubber. There is no timeline though..no pressure, just the realisation that I am taking care of myself, even though there are days when it feels like a chore. Sometimes I’d like to pig-out as I did in the good old days, without thought, but I suffer if I do. Got to be sensible…
Sarah, I really couldn’t have said it better myself. I agree with (and am still learning) all of these principles regarding maintaining a healthy weight. Time WILL go on, regardless of what we weigh. Realizing that is partly what kicked me into gear to lose weight…. I could let another year go by and be at the exact same weight (or higher) and all I would be is another year older.
Great post!!
I totally agree- this journey I have been on has taken me a few years- but it’s okay- one day I’ll get there. I’ve gone from 235 to being in the 190s- and I know at least for me I’ll never see that terrible two again!
“This too shall pass”. I’ve been repeating that to myself for a couple of weeks now. Even though I’m roughly the same weight I was this time last year, I’ve really changed in positive ways. It’s really the journey. Thanks for sharing this!
Can I be a backseat driver on your road???? I begrudgingly have accepted your outlook as well. Even if I’m not losing as fast as I would like, things could be a lot worse.
I read a story in a magazine about a woman who changed her lifestyle b/c her father was in the hospital w/a serious heart problem. They have a long history of heart disease and she knew that if she didn’t change things that in 30 years she’d be the one in the bed and her kids would be worried about her. Knowing that she was doing it for her health vs. vanity kept her on track b/c she would tell herself “You can cheat on a diet but you can’t cheat on your heart.” Ultimately, improving our health is the ultimate goal, although I’m honest enough to admit that I want to have a healthy heart and a rockin’ butt!
The Journey IS the Destination. I love that one. Sarah, your posts are always so full of great, thought-provoking ideas. I usually read them several times and sometimes end up not commenting because it takes me a while to process what I’m thinking. I find myself thinking quite a bit about how I’m going to do with maintenance. The answer I think I’ve come up with is that I’m going to eat and live just about the same as I’m eating and living now.
I agree completely. Journey is the destination. We need to stay in the process. Perhaps we don’t reach a number on a planned day but in the process do get healthier and avoid much illness. Also on maintenance. I know how elusive and utopian it sounds. But I think we should not think of maintenance of when we hit the magic number. It is also when we have may be lost 10 pounds or 10% of body weight or any such number. Maybe go in to maintenance for a bit, take a break and then increase speed again. You can’t always be going high speed to the goal. Also I feel a slower speed lets your body settle down better as in less loose skin perhaps.
As always, great thoughts from you.
Love,
Ini
Yes, maintenance looks just like weight loss, especially if you did it as slow as me. One day, you just stop losing, and you have to decide if you’re okay where you are, or how much more you are willing/able to cut back, and still lead a happy, fulfilling, non-neurotic life.