Ultimate Surrender © by Nick.Fisher
This week I fully surrendered to the dieting process. I’ve accepted that I will do certain things for 12 weeks.
Not forever, mind you, I think the idea of forever and for-the-rest-of-my-life is too big and at the same time too unrealistic. I’m pretty sure I will be hard-core dieting all of 2012 but even that vision is kind of blurry towards the end. But the next 12 weeks, while I’m in this diet group, are much clearer. And my acceptance of the process for these 12 weeks is very high. I wouldn’t say I’ve settled in, because I’m more active and inquisitive about making changes than that. But I’m at peace with the process, because I’m clear on the goal.
I’m going to track all my food. I will move back and forth between paper and phone, but I will do it. That’s a big thing for me, as long-term tracking is something that worked for me in the past, but also something that I haven’t done since I lost my permanent chunk of weight in 2002. Calorie counting tends to make me crazy, but I’m going to move up and down the food journal ladder over these weeks, but I’ll stay on at least rung one of keeping a written log somewhere.
I’m going to do the readings and watch the weekly video and listen to the module call before the week live call arrives so that I can be listening and thinking and not just discovering something for the first time.
The only real challenge for the week was Saturday’s cooking class. I knew getting through without getting too hungry would be a challenge, and I was right. Despite having breakfast before we left I still ate an apple I didn’t plan on and two slices of bread with butter. But the bread was Poujauran, and it was still warm. I caved, but at least it was a high quality caving.
The food we made was fine, in that I had planned for it. With some modifications two of the recipes will fit my diet. I’m no longer fat-phonic when I cook and eat, but seeing the quantities of butter floating around a professional kitchen was shocking. The dessert will not, but luckily for me I wasn’t crazy about it (didn’t even finish my serving). It was nice to learn it, because it is a good one to have on hand for entertaining, and I like serving desserts that most people like but that I’m not crazy about. It keeps me from tasting too many times during cooking and allows me to easily skip dessert entirely come mealtime. What’s more the recipe will be useful in the future. It’s for a fruit-based tiramisu. We made it with mango and I found it cloyingly sweet, but everyone else liked it.
The hardest part was getting back on track when I got home. I felt like I’d blown my diet, even though it was carefully planned for. I thought about several foods I’ve been avoiding that I could have last night and then “start over” tomorrow morning. That old “I’ve already blown it so let’s keep going” mentality. Luckily I managed to rein it in during that internal debate. I had a salad for dinner, and drank extra water. By the time I sat down to our light dinner, the rebellious eating desire was fading. I had a few on-plan very dark chocolate disks (85%) and then brushed my teeth. The next morning I woke up completely at peace with my diet again. I’d call that progress.
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