Weird moods

September 20, 2009

I’m not really myself lately.  I can blame it on the hormones, but I suspect that’s too convenient an excuse and it’s really stress coming through.

I am incredibly, unbelievably needy with my husband.  I get annoyed with him for nothing, and things I usually do with joy I sometimes feel myself resenting (going shopping, preparing meals, etc).  It’s not like he doesn’t help out or do those things too, by the way – it’s just that I feel this need for complete and total appreciation of the smallest things.  Luckily we’re able to talk about it and I’m usually able to articulate my neediness and he’s usually able to be nice, and I’m sometimes able to overcome my emotional state, so all in all things are working.

I’ve done 6 shots so far – when it’s all done it’ll have been around 50, so I’m in the early stages.  I always have that hesitation before putting the needle into my skin (have to do the 1-2-3-NOW thing about 5 times before I really jab it, but it makes me laugh that a few years ago I actually called a home visit doctor one night that my husband was traveling because I couldn’t bring myself to do it at 10:30pm).

I wanted to have a weekend where I felt pampered and indulged but I didn’t.  My husband is pretty preoccupied with work (getting things done so that he can come to the US for the fertility stuff for 10 days, we leave on Friday).  And he’s just generally stressed about work and me and everything and I was able to not be a total pain in the a** this weekend.  We watched some movies, walked around a little, but did less than I had wanted to.  I did read a lot, which was nice – I missed that.  I went back to reading lighter, more fun stuff and got swept away just as I wanted.  Plotting my next book now.

I have slightly upped the carbs these past few days, and will keep them up a bit until after the egg retrieval.  I’m not stopping low carb and I’m not back on bread, sugar or the like — just a bit more veggies and nuts and such.  I don’t think that the moment my body is growing eggs is the moment to be trying to drop weight, nor that being in ketosis (state of very low carbohydrates) is necessarily a good thing.  Probably not a bad thing, but it’s only 2 weeks and it seems like a smarter choice to take a more moderate dietary path.

This is a pretty rambling post, which is pretty well reflective of my mind these days.  All over the map, unable to concentrate on anything for very long, swept away easily… and pretty preoccupied by the medical stuff.

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