Whacked out

September 17, 2009

I’ve been pretty whacked out these past few days.   If I don’t take sleeping pills I don’t sleep.  I am ornery with my husband, tempermental, bitchy, annoying, needy, and I cry at the drop of a hat.  Who is this person? When is she leaving, because she is getting on my nerves.  My husband isn’t finding her a lot of fun to be around either, by the way.

I’m guessing the worst will be over in about 3 weeks.  Then I’ll have 3 weeks of worry before the hysterectomy, then I can moan about recovering from that.

I’ve been super nervous about getting the authorization to begin the IVF drugs.  I took the birth control pills for about 2 1/2 weeks (to ‘calm everything down’) and they made me hormonal and irritable.  I was super stressed about the testing today to make sure everything was low and normal where it was supposed to be, but it was, so this afternoon I should get the ok from the US to get started.  I told my local doctor about how I’ve been stressed about the IVF, the bleeding, not sleeping etc and he told me 1) to take the sleeping pill every single night for 3 months because ‘this is a time of stress’ (duh! but it’s nice to hear someone else saying it) and without sleep I won’t cope well and 2) that he thinks I’ve been handling all this extremely well “you are quite zen”.   Wish my husband had been there to hear that, since he pretty much gets only the non-zen moments from me…

I slowed down the exercise.  I was feeling obsessive and decided to take a 1 day break that became 2.  Today I walked, but tomorrow I’ll get to the gym again.  I prefer to go at a 3 or 4 times a week rhythym now instead of trying to have it be a daily mandatory thing.

Thanks for the advice on the projects.  A lot of them are going on pause.  I am reading stuff that looks fun and entertaining now (well, I actually chose poorly, but the next one will be).  I took myself to a movie yesterday (Julie & Julia) and that was a good distraction for 2 hours so I might do more of that in the coming days.  I’m just taking it slowly, day by day, and trying to get through.

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